I'm tired of holding my tongue on this one.

So, a while back, I got into it with some people on social media, as sometimes happens.

Some background you might need to know: I quit the MRDA last year, for a number of reasons I'll eventually write about, but doing so freed me up from a lot of frustrating committee work that was increasingly unsatisfying and from having to publicly back an organization that was very determinedly going in a direction with which I don't agree. 

Some other background that you might also need to know: I survived a mass shooting on my college campus when I was 18. Two people, one my friend and the other my mentor, were murdered, and I wrote a book about it last year, which a number of people in my derby circles have read.

So here's what happened. I was in Target, my phone pinged with a notification that I should "like" this new derby thing calling itself "Derbalife Presents: Screaming Bloody MRDA" and that name alone was enough to trigger a pretty nasty meltdown, because that's sometimes what my brain does when someone else makes jokes about murder, no matter how clever those puns might be.

Part of my point in writing the book was to be more open about this issue, because I can't always predict what my response to these kinds of things will be, and it's sometimes sort of a delicate thing for me in derby. There are an awful lot of violent names in derby, which are often considered part of the "derby culture" (whatever that means), and I've been on the receiving end of a surprising amount of what feels like abuse through a couple of rulesets that get ever-closer to actually making the abuse of officials a penalty. The move toward legal names in derby, though perhaps it takes some of the fun out of it all, at least shifts the emphasis away from more of those names that announcers can't say over the mic, though usually those banned or altered ones are more to do with keeping it PG-13, which means violence is OK but the racier stuff is right out (let alone the downright X-rated ones).

But what happens when officials go after other officials?

Later that night, I posted a status update on my friends-only personal page taking issue with the tournament name.  I wanted to call out the name and our sort of weird acceptance of certain kinds of violence (i.e. joking about murder's okay, but if the tournament name was punning on rape, people would be very quick to shut that down). What I posted was this: Sorry, folks. I love men's roller derby, but I am never, ever, going to "like" a tournament calling itself "Screaming Bloody MRDA." Murder is not a joke.  

I posted it on my own page, which is locked to friends-only, and the discussion kind of exploded in an interesting way. I'd wanted it to spark a larger-picture conversation about violence in derby without calling out the THRs in person, but one of the THRs took extreme issue with this, going so far as to call me "a dick" on my main page and then emailing me repeatedly abusive private messages (while he was in the process of unfriending and at the end of the exchange, fully blocking me). 

He began with: Just keep burning those bridges. Must be a nice view from that high horse up there. 

Last I checked no one asked you to work this tournament anyways.

I replied: Nice knowing you, [Ref]. Good luck with your tournament.

He replied: Keep stabbing your friends in public. You must have plenty more.

Me: At least I know how they are now.

[Ref]: Yup. I'm one who thought we were good enough friends that you would come to me in private instead of calling me out in public. Instead I found out I'm one of "them" you feel you can rail against. I'm so disappointed in you. You have no idea how much your post cut me to the quick. And you obviously give no fucks about my feelings. So I'm done. You are a big fake who talks big about feelings and then kick me in public like that. Fuck you.

Me: Right. Because you've been so supportive in recent months. Thanks. Be well, [Ref].

[Ref]: Keep playing your pity card. I'm glad I voted for adults for the MRDA board

Me: Me too. Because my life is actually a lot better without the MRDA, as it turns out.

[Ref]: Your high horse is all you have. You've got nothing else to cling to but a club so sled superiority you beat everyone else up with.  Quit writing to me. I'm not your friend. I'm someone you traded as a friend until you needed to make yourself feel better by insulting their work in public. Seriously, fuck off

Me: I'm going to stop responding, [Ref]. I hope your tournament goes well and you find some other outlet for your anger.

And I've kind of been stewing over this whole incident. I reported the ref in question to both the WFTDA and the MRDA, because that seemed like the proper official channels to go through. If this person had been a skater and talked to me this way after a bout, it would surely cross a line -- so why because it's a fellow official it seems less nasty somehow or something less worthy of reporting? 

Does it fall into the same category of the creepy skater who hugs you just a little too long post-bout? The too-handsy official on the infield? The ref who's nice to your face and you then hear calling you a douchebag or a bitch in their next breath as soon as they think you're out of earshot?

Later I was asked to write a reference for someone for this same tournament, because they'd listed me when they applied, and I balked at writing the damn thing because I didn't want to be seen as supporting this tournament in any fashion or sending someone off to work a tournament with a THR with a temper as nasty as this.

And I'm really tired of holding my tongue on it.

[4/10: An interesting update: after posting this and pinging the MRDA again about the issue, an apology has materialized. It feels a little hollow, and I think it only happened because a governing body got involved, but that's something, at least.] 

well, this is an interesting find...

I was going through my Google drive this morning and found this blast from the semi-recent past (it was written and posted to the MRDA forums late in 2013 during the Board of Director elections) that I thought might be interesting to share more widely than I was previously allowed. I've also been thinking a fair piece about what RAWK had to say recently on the Derby Deeds podcast, and I still think these are good points that kind of got lost in some of the other stuff surrounding the election.

Each year the MRDA holds elections for their various positions, where each candidate is asked to write a letter of intent. The Director of Officiating is the only position that's had multiple candidates run in the last two years. While I haven't written very much about why I left the MRDA, since that's still a somewhat difficult and complicated topic, and I'm only four months out of the organization, I still think these ideas are worth discussing and now don't have to keep them buried, given that I'm no longer bound by the rules of that organization.

NB: I deleted the other material around the post (my qualifications, other formalities of candidacy letters etc.) in order to put emphasis on the ideas rather than the politics.

GOALS FOR 2014

I see six areas where we need immediate action from the Director of Officiating. If you have questions, I’m happy to discuss my ideas for any of these at length, but I wanted to keep this letter relatively short.

1. Stabilize Certification with Evaluation and Training.

These three programs have lurched about for a while, never quite settling into the support structure we need to really encourage development in officiating. The Certification program was announced on May 5, 2012, and is still not fully implemented--something is always on hold waiting for something else. When officials have to wait months for evaluations to be processed (some haven’t gotten feedback from Spring Roll yet), they get discouraged and the MRDA loses. We must address these three facets together to create a better environment for better officials.

2. Create a Tournament Staffing Advisory Panel.

In a model similar to the WFTDA’s, we should have an oversight committee made up of skaters and officials to select a tournament’s head officials and provide guidance on building officiating crews, and to make sure review and selection of applicants happens in a timely manner. While the panel’s only technical authority would be over MRDA tournaments, this is a service we could offer to other multi-bout events with a strong MRDA presence, such as The Big O, Spring Roll, and Mohawk Valley Cup, to help these events better staff for the level of play they’re attracting.

3. Create a WFTDA Officiating Liaison Panel.

In addition to our seat on the WFTDA’s Rules Theory Panel (currently held by Miss Trial), I would like to designate two other liaisons to WFTDA Officiating to help communicate shared issues between the two associations, in order to foster and maintain good, public cooperation and the betterment of officiating across both organizations. We have many people who work in both worlds and are well connected; let’s take advantage of that diversity of perspective.

4. Explore the creation of an Assistant Director of Officiating position.

I believe the Director of Officiating should not chair any of the standing officiating committees; that person should be an advisor to all of them, to facilitate cross-committee communication without getting bogged down in the politics or scutwork of any of them, and to represent the interest of the Board on all of them. With the list of initiatives above, this may still be more work than one volunteer should reasonably take on. We are better placed as an organization if we have more than one person who knows how everything fits together--developing natural successors to the Director job makes MRDA Officiating more stable overall.

5. Open the governance: “Town Hall” meetings and term limits for elected officials.

Many of our nearly 200 recognized officials seem to have developed the sense that their opinions don’t matter: they don’t vote; they don’t participate on the forum; they don’t apply to work tournaments or chair committees. They feel it’s the same people making the same decisions every time. We need to do better. Officials and skaters should all feel they can go to their Director, or to anyone on the MRDA Board of Directors, to raise concerns, ask questions, and participate in the governance process. I actively support the creation of a Town Hall / Open Cabinet meeting, where all membership can talk directly with the Board. The MRDA is an organization that we share, and for which we share a responsibility to make it sustainable.

6. Increase investment in the Association among officials.

We have many qualified people ready (or almost ready) to step into tournament and tournament crew head reffing, high-level training, and representing the MRDA to those outside of the organization, but we are not attracting interest. Better transparency in governance will help, and opening up jobs--leader and worker--will create opportunities for more officials to participate. New initiatives like those above call for new people to develop and show their strengths. This is what I do. I’m a teacher at heart; my instinct is to foster personal growth in people by giving them tools and support to take on new challenges.