More to say on this point eventually, because even though the Northeast is generally buried under snow, folks are planning games and events and tournament dates throughout 2015 already. It won't be too long before we have yet another round of the Day The Northeast Rolled, when there's more derby than y'all can shake a stick at and not nearly enough officials to staff everything.
This league's staffing form is awesome. Leagues, please take note.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
The 2015 season...
I've been stewing on this for some time because I wasn't entirely sure how to phrase it, but it's really been in the brainpan lately, so here goes. (Hang on, it's long.)
It's been sort of a crappy year for camaraderie in my derby world, and a year in which I was very pointedly reminded that self-care is always more important than derby.
I quit the MRDA, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, because that would have saved me a whole lot of heartache and misery. I also learned that just because we're in derby together, that doesn't make us friends. We might have a shared language and a shared love of the sport, but that sometimes -- often -- isn't enough to make up for someone being a jerk.
And, in truth, there have been jerks all along the way -- from the league owner who demanded officials pay dues and legislated the social behavior of officials, to the skater who bullied the officiating crew so relentlessly and without mercy that the league lost double-digits of officials, to the ref that was so mean-spirited and nasty to the crew of officials working a game that some of them actually left midway through rather than finish it.
I also for a little while was a moderator for a female-officials-in-derby group. Two of the women in that group were so vicious and so nasty in the course of a discussion about why there weren't any female skating refs on the final game of this year's MRDA champs and how disappointing that felt for an organization that (at least in my experience) had been pretty supportive of gender equality in officiating up until that point, and decided that I was bitter and unhappy (their words) and pissing all over their great achievements (my words). It sucked: something that I thought was kind of awesome and rad turned into something that was miserable and hateful -- so I left. Self-care trumps everything else, people.
Sometimes I'm the jerk too, apparently: I called someone out on a blog post they'd written anonymously, because I thought their points, however misguided they seemed, were interesting to discuss, and the next thing I know I've apparently started a blood feud (their words) because I'm a bully and a jerk (also their words). It sucks; I really dig their league, but now I'm never going to officiate there because I don't particularly want to be in this official's crosshairs.
Apparently I'm also a dick too. You can read the recap of last April's throwdown below, and I haven't really had the heart to touch the blog since -- despite having co-THR'd a pretty rad tournament in August. (More on that in a second.). Short version? I called out a terrible tournament name, and one of the THRs -- someone I'd actually thought I was on pretty good terms with -- of that tournament came after me, with a lot of vicious, nasty, attacking language.
What this means a year later? It means that I'm not really doing too many tournaments anymore because I don't particularly want to run into people who have been flat-out nasty. I don't want to run into that official. I really don't want to be on a crew with that official. I miss the days where everyone was more or less like, Yay derby! and the creepers and awful people were easier to spot, and the community actually rallied to protect its own instead of turning on each other.
But it also means that I've really actively backed away from more than a few people in the last almost-year because of what this official did and how people reacted to it. People shrugged off his behavior with a "oh, that's just how he is" and downplayed it. I get that; he just said some mean things; maybe he didn't really mean it; maybe he just lost his temper -- I heard all of these from people when it happened. And though there was an apology, that apology only came after I reported him to the MRDA and the WFTDA, and that apology rang hollow and false. We'll never be friendly again; I'm okay with that.
Here's the thing, though: I don't need to invite this kind of nasty into my life just because we share a hobby. I've learned this last year to back away from the things -- and the people -- in derby who make my what's-supposed-to-be-a-fun-hobby a lot less fun. But that's had collateral damage too; there are people that I don't hang out with any more because of how they reacted in defending him or people I see less frequently because I'm traveling less frequently to tournaments, or people who avoid talking to me -- or don't want to ask for references -- because they don't want to upset me. This one official being such a gigantic ass to me has had huge, rippling, complicated effects that I didn't expect.
One of the other things I didn't talk about much this year was banning an official from All 8. There was a fairly nasty high-profile sexual harassment case that happened out here over the last year-and-a-half, and there were threats, and it was awful. IS awful -- because despite a bunch of officials getting together and making it known that we were not going to share the track with this ref, despite sanctions and so on, there are places who still staff and defend this ref, and so there are more places I don't want to work as an official.
And this is maybe how derby just evolves; no group is going to like all of the members of the group all at the same time. Maybe it's worse for skaters; maybe this is why so many people leave. When I started derby back in 2008 I was told that an official had a shelf life of about two or three years; I've known a lot of people who have decided that it just wasn't worth it.
I'm not sure there's an answer, other than to say there are a lot of different ways into and out of derby. For me, I'm looking forward to a home season year. I joined a new league and that means some interesting changes, and that's kind of exciting. I get to co-THR a rad training tournament, and that's pretty awesome. And I get to find a way back into the awesome parts of derby and to stay away from the noise and the jerks and so on.
We'll see how it goes, I guess.
It's been sort of a crappy year for camaraderie in my derby world, and a year in which I was very pointedly reminded that self-care is always more important than derby.
I quit the MRDA, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, because that would have saved me a whole lot of heartache and misery. I also learned that just because we're in derby together, that doesn't make us friends. We might have a shared language and a shared love of the sport, but that sometimes -- often -- isn't enough to make up for someone being a jerk.
And, in truth, there have been jerks all along the way -- from the league owner who demanded officials pay dues and legislated the social behavior of officials, to the skater who bullied the officiating crew so relentlessly and without mercy that the league lost double-digits of officials, to the ref that was so mean-spirited and nasty to the crew of officials working a game that some of them actually left midway through rather than finish it.
I also for a little while was a moderator for a female-officials-in-derby group. Two of the women in that group were so vicious and so nasty in the course of a discussion about why there weren't any female skating refs on the final game of this year's MRDA champs and how disappointing that felt for an organization that (at least in my experience) had been pretty supportive of gender equality in officiating up until that point, and decided that I was bitter and unhappy (their words) and pissing all over their great achievements (my words). It sucked: something that I thought was kind of awesome and rad turned into something that was miserable and hateful -- so I left. Self-care trumps everything else, people.
Sometimes I'm the jerk too, apparently: I called someone out on a blog post they'd written anonymously, because I thought their points, however misguided they seemed, were interesting to discuss, and the next thing I know I've apparently started a blood feud (their words) because I'm a bully and a jerk (also their words). It sucks; I really dig their league, but now I'm never going to officiate there because I don't particularly want to be in this official's crosshairs.
Apparently I'm also a dick too. You can read the recap of last April's throwdown below, and I haven't really had the heart to touch the blog since -- despite having co-THR'd a pretty rad tournament in August. (More on that in a second.). Short version? I called out a terrible tournament name, and one of the THRs -- someone I'd actually thought I was on pretty good terms with -- of that tournament came after me, with a lot of vicious, nasty, attacking language.
What this means a year later? It means that I'm not really doing too many tournaments anymore because I don't particularly want to run into people who have been flat-out nasty. I don't want to run into that official. I really don't want to be on a crew with that official. I miss the days where everyone was more or less like, Yay derby! and the creepers and awful people were easier to spot, and the community actually rallied to protect its own instead of turning on each other.
But it also means that I've really actively backed away from more than a few people in the last almost-year because of what this official did and how people reacted to it. People shrugged off his behavior with a "oh, that's just how he is" and downplayed it. I get that; he just said some mean things; maybe he didn't really mean it; maybe he just lost his temper -- I heard all of these from people when it happened. And though there was an apology, that apology only came after I reported him to the MRDA and the WFTDA, and that apology rang hollow and false. We'll never be friendly again; I'm okay with that.
Here's the thing, though: I don't need to invite this kind of nasty into my life just because we share a hobby. I've learned this last year to back away from the things -- and the people -- in derby who make my what's-supposed-to-be-a-fun-hobby a lot less fun. But that's had collateral damage too; there are people that I don't hang out with any more because of how they reacted in defending him or people I see less frequently because I'm traveling less frequently to tournaments, or people who avoid talking to me -- or don't want to ask for references -- because they don't want to upset me. This one official being such a gigantic ass to me has had huge, rippling, complicated effects that I didn't expect.
One of the other things I didn't talk about much this year was banning an official from All 8. There was a fairly nasty high-profile sexual harassment case that happened out here over the last year-and-a-half, and there were threats, and it was awful. IS awful -- because despite a bunch of officials getting together and making it known that we were not going to share the track with this ref, despite sanctions and so on, there are places who still staff and defend this ref, and so there are more places I don't want to work as an official.
And this is maybe how derby just evolves; no group is going to like all of the members of the group all at the same time. Maybe it's worse for skaters; maybe this is why so many people leave. When I started derby back in 2008 I was told that an official had a shelf life of about two or three years; I've known a lot of people who have decided that it just wasn't worth it.
I'm not sure there's an answer, other than to say there are a lot of different ways into and out of derby. For me, I'm looking forward to a home season year. I joined a new league and that means some interesting changes, and that's kind of exciting. I get to co-THR a rad training tournament, and that's pretty awesome. And I get to find a way back into the awesome parts of derby and to stay away from the noise and the jerks and so on.
We'll see how it goes, I guess.
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